I have had the unfortunate opportunity of reentering the dating world in my mid-thirties. Thankfully, after a few years of that type of torture, God has blessed me with an incredible man I plan to marry. Even now, in the midst of our engagement, I say to the Lord, “Are you serious?”
The dating culture for post-college Christians is all but miserable, in my opinion. We want to meet like-minded others, for the prospect of marriage, yet the avenues through which this is available are pitifully limited. Whether we choose online dating, speed dating, dating services, or blind dates, the process is often exhausting, exposing, and yields minimal results. After months or years of the roller coaster of having our hopes heightened and quickly crushed, many of us fall to a place of blaming God. You are the one who created this world full of sin, and you did it knowing the outcome. You knew in the beginning of time, what 2012 would look like and how hard dating would be in a culture that has such little respect for humanity and even less respect for the institution of marriage. I find myself checking the skies occasionally, making sure there’s no sulfur leaking out. How can you ask us to seek and offer love in an environment such as this?
I have been reminded of the scripture that says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. The thought is superficially comforting, until I find myself thinking…Ok, but when?
I’ve also been told I should “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” Matthew 7:7. Yes, if I ask for salvation, or forgiveness of sin, or something similar, this is surely true. But when it comes to asking for a man to marry, or a particular job, or having children, I realize my thoughts are not God’s thoughts and He may know something that makes those things not the best thing for me. So it’s not accurate to say anything you ask with faith, shall be granted. Stop telling me I haven’t asked God enough or had enough faith to have what I want.
“Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10. Now, this is a scripture that comforts me. This reminds me that victory is mine, because I am God’s. Victory may require me to adjust my expectations of what something will look like, when it will happen, and how it will happen. But I should not be afraid or discouraged because God will strengthen me and help me. What I feel like I can’t face, he will give me the strength to face. What I feel like I can’t possibly accept, he will help me accept. And in the end, He will be victorious. And so will I.
In the meantime, the idea of continuing to long for things, and at the same time knowing I may never get them, is daunting. The pain of hoping , sometimes feels worse than deciding what I want will never come to be. Hoping but not receiving, leaves me vacillating between wondering if there’s something wrong with me, and trying to accept that God’s grace and perfect timing are true and working in my life. The longings I have are supposedly gifts from the Lord, but when they are unmet, they feel more like deficiencies than gifts.
Philippians 4:11-13 says “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” So I’m supposed to long AND be content in the Lord? Yes, I think that’s what the Bible says. This scripture tells us to learn to be content. Dozens of other scriptures tell us to hope. God is many things, some of them seemingly contradictory, all at once. He is just and merciful, He is present in the world, and transcends space and time. Here He’s telling us we need to be two seemingly contradictory things: hopeful, and content. Maybe your struggle is not with dating, but wanting a different job, a better relationship, more opportunities, or more children. Whatever your struggle, I encourage you to fully embrace your experience of frustration, disappointment, longing, and pain, and pursue contentment.
God’s purpose for us is sanctification-making us more like Christ, for His purposes. I can’t say I understand why God asks us to date and marry in a world where what we want in any particular moment, is the only thing that seems to matter to most Americans. I also don’t understand why when we’re brave enough to do that, we’re not always rewarded with someone to love. But I do trust God’s character (loving, omniscient, sovereign, merciful, etc.) and his purpose for us (sanctity and relationship with Him). And for those reasons, I will continue to long for the desires of my heart, shaking my fist when it feels necessary, and I will continue to seek contentment in His love.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
If I could have just one wish
If I could have just one wish, the ugliest of emotions, would viciously cage my heart. Contempt would rule, and the castle of my being would crumble. All the longing I’ve worked to allow, would be ripped away leaving my soul as nothing more than a shell, housing one single, solitary, empty wish. One wish, allows miniscule amounts of hope to survive. One wish only, crushes the infinite blessing of dreaming- the place where redemption never ceases and beauty is always available. One wish steals the desire that drives me to seek and find, try and learn, work and succeed. One wish is robbery. For the act of wishing, is in itself, often more life-giving, than the wish coming true.
-Jennifer Morgan
-Jennifer Morgan
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Woe to Winter
I've heard some people recently insisting they love winter. Given the mild winter we're having, I haven't put up much resistance to their optimism. But had I been asked my opinion, I would reply, "Winter sucks! The cold is paralyzing, the wind is harsh and biting, and walking in snow feels like moving in the shallow end of a swimming pool." Every year I become burdened with the heaviness of winter. Sometimes to the degree of seasonal depression, other times I'm blessed to only become a little down, apathetic, or discouraged. This year, likely because of its mildness, winter has only brought me down a little. I find myself feeling unmotivated, irritated, and largely stagnant. My heart longs for growth and renewal, yet the prospect of it becomes too exhausting to pursue.
A conversation with a colleague recently reminded me, one of the best techniques we have to treat depression. The idea that often, depression is simply helped by doing something. Anything. One of the most prevalent symptoms of depression is lack of motivation; not caring enough to force oneself to do something when we don't feel like it. When clients tell me, "Yes, Jennifer, that's a good idea. But when the time comes, I just don't feel like doing it." My response is usually, "That's OK. But I think it would help you to do it anyway." Inevitably, they will do it, even though they don't feel like it, and they will begin to feel better. Not because that particular action worked any kind of miracle, but because one thing leads to another. One positive action leads to another positive thought or action, which leads to another to another to another. When it comes to depression, doing something will almost always be better than doing nothing.
This is advice I could use when winter has me feeling stuck and stubborn. Rather than becoming paralyzed when life feels too dense to step into, I would like to remember that if I do something, anything, I will likely feel better about doing the next thing. One step at a time.
At the same time, I would like to advise myself to sink into winter. The cold, sometimes dark days, present good opportunities to curl up and watch a movie, or read a book. Whether I'm choosing to do this, or feel like its the only choice possible, I would like to allow myself to enjoy these moments. Because the Lord knows, summer will soon be here, and the heat and overwhelming busyness of the season will cause me to write a blog entitled, "Woe to Summer, Give Us Some Rain!"
A conversation with a colleague recently reminded me, one of the best techniques we have to treat depression. The idea that often, depression is simply helped by doing something. Anything. One of the most prevalent symptoms of depression is lack of motivation; not caring enough to force oneself to do something when we don't feel like it. When clients tell me, "Yes, Jennifer, that's a good idea. But when the time comes, I just don't feel like doing it." My response is usually, "That's OK. But I think it would help you to do it anyway." Inevitably, they will do it, even though they don't feel like it, and they will begin to feel better. Not because that particular action worked any kind of miracle, but because one thing leads to another. One positive action leads to another positive thought or action, which leads to another to another to another. When it comes to depression, doing something will almost always be better than doing nothing.
This is advice I could use when winter has me feeling stuck and stubborn. Rather than becoming paralyzed when life feels too dense to step into, I would like to remember that if I do something, anything, I will likely feel better about doing the next thing. One step at a time.
At the same time, I would like to advise myself to sink into winter. The cold, sometimes dark days, present good opportunities to curl up and watch a movie, or read a book. Whether I'm choosing to do this, or feel like its the only choice possible, I would like to allow myself to enjoy these moments. Because the Lord knows, summer will soon be here, and the heat and overwhelming busyness of the season will cause me to write a blog entitled, "Woe to Summer, Give Us Some Rain!"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
CHANGE
What is it about change, exactly, that sends us in shameless retreat, wishing we had never revealed our hopes or asked for anything more? When change intrudes at times we have not wished for more, our reaction is even worse...blaming others for the situation, cursing Adam and Eve, bargaining with God for the transition to end. What is it about change that causes paralysis in our hearts? How does change instill such fear that we no longer find perseverance, healthy risk, or sanctification virtuous enough to pursue?
The last two months have been prime time for me to explore these issues. Through the process of hiring my first employees and simultaneously upgrading office locations, I have been confronted with the reality of my heart in the midst of change. The truth is, that I have been looking for a desired result to indicate the rightness or wrongness of decisions I've been making. Rather than allowing myself to be immersed in the journey of each particular decision, I have been waiting for each thing to work out or fall apart to let me know I followed God well. I know that in living this way, I overlook much of the experience God is offering. Yet, I fall into the same rut with each decision.
The last two months have been prime time for me to explore these issues. Through the process of hiring my first employees and simultaneously upgrading office locations, I have been confronted with the reality of my heart in the midst of change. The truth is, that I have been looking for a desired result to indicate the rightness or wrongness of decisions I've been making. Rather than allowing myself to be immersed in the journey of each particular decision, I have been waiting for each thing to work out or fall apart to let me know I followed God well. I know that in living this way, I overlook much of the experience God is offering. Yet, I fall into the same rut with each decision.
If only I could view change as something more neutral, than bad. Change is necessary to get where I want to go. Change requires trust, patience, flexibility, openness...it also sometimes means not getting my way, disappointment, uncertainty, and chaos. None of those things seem life threatening, now that I think about it. But I'm afraid of them. I fear that God doesn't truly understand how important it is to have beauty in my office or absolute trust in my employees, which keeps me from relaxing into the journey. Does he really take into consideration that having office windows that open would make a big difference in my quality of life? Does it even occur to him that I would prefer to control my own thermostat? The thing is, He does. He thinks of every little detail I do, and a multitude of ones I do not. And not only does He think of them, he cares about them as much as I do, if not more. The difference between my view and His, is that He's looking at all His other children who are affected by the circumstances I'm dealing with. And he chooses to do what's best for all of His children, even when it means than some of them may feel disappointed.
Maybe if I remember that what seems like negative change to me, could really be quite positive for another one of His children, I might be more flexible when change arrives in the future. In the meantime, I'll keep reminding myself, "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
MCS is Moving!
Dear Friends, Family, Clients & Colleagues,
It is with much anticipation and excitement, that I write to inform you of some exciting changes happening at Morgan Counseling Services LLC. For many years, I have dreamt of what Morgan Counseling Services would become, and recently I have taken the first steps in making that dream come true.
As of October 3, 2011, Morgan Counseling Services will be located in a new office suite at 11222 Tesson Ferry Rd, approximately one mile north of our current location. This new location provides several features I am excited to have, namely additional safety features, larger office space, and a more beautiful setting. Please click on this link to familiarize yourself with our new location.
Additionally, I am thrilled to introduce two employees at Morgan Counseling Services LLC; Lisa Hueckel M.A., PLPC, and Sandy Kallaos M.A.C., CIT. Lisa has been working toward her licensure under my supervision for more than three years, and Sandy is beginning her post-graduate hours toward earning her licensure. In addition to her role as counselor, Sandy will be acting as Administrative Coordinator for MCS. You may contact Sandy at 314.221.3773 or Sandy@morgancounselingservices.com for help with billing, scheduling, and other administrative issues.
We trust you will feel comfortable in our new space, and look forward to meeting you there.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Morgan
It is with much anticipation and excitement, that I write to inform you of some exciting changes happening at Morgan Counseling Services LLC. For many years, I have dreamt of what Morgan Counseling Services would become, and recently I have taken the first steps in making that dream come true.
As of October 3, 2011, Morgan Counseling Services will be located in a new office suite at 11222 Tesson Ferry Rd, approximately one mile north of our current location. This new location provides several features I am excited to have, namely additional safety features, larger office space, and a more beautiful setting. Please click on this link to familiarize yourself with our new location.
Additionally, I am thrilled to introduce two employees at Morgan Counseling Services LLC; Lisa Hueckel M.A., PLPC, and Sandy Kallaos M.A.C., CIT. Lisa has been working toward her licensure under my supervision for more than three years, and Sandy is beginning her post-graduate hours toward earning her licensure. In addition to her role as counselor, Sandy will be acting as Administrative Coordinator for MCS. You may contact Sandy at 314.221.3773 or Sandy@morgancounselingservices.com for help with billing, scheduling, and other administrative issues.
We trust you will feel comfortable in our new space, and look forward to meeting you there.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Morgan
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I Don't Have Time for God
Although it may seem upon first glance, that I have forgotten about this blog, I have not. Remembering has been a thorn in my side since my last post in December. I want to write, I thoroughly enjoy writing. However, not a single post since the beginning of this blog has been my own writing. I have edited and compiled in a way that I hoped appeared to be blogging. Even if I fooled some of you, which is unlikely, I have not fooled myself. I just don't have time to do it as well I would like.
I have a relative who in the past, used the phrase "I don't have time," until it was broken down and useless in her vocabulary. When I heard it used I imagined rolling my eyes and shouting, "Get over it!" What I was thinking was that if she managed her time differently, prioritized better, or set better boundaries, she wouldn't have that problem. I never viewed lacking time as an actual, valid dilemma. I thought it was purely the result of poor choices.
To some extent I still believe this. It is our society that is to blame, for suggesting we put so much on our plates, in order to measure up to the "norm". If Americans valued humans as much as they do output, I don't think we'd be in the time dilemma we find ourselves. Recently I've been having problems with my computer and several days I've been without a computer at work. Those days have been the most relaxed, client-focused days I've had in years. It has caused me to contemplate intentionally leaving my computer at home once a week, or some other manner of regularly releasing myself from the chains of technology. Doing so allows me time to do things I normally tell myself I don't have time to do, like updating the year stickers on my charts, and organizing my office. When I'm really taking care of myself I'll read or pray or reflect.
The realization I've had over the last 6 months, is that no matter how well one manages his or her time, there are still times when there just isn't enough time. I've tried to explain with logic and evidence, why my life suddenly got so busy and still fail to understand what happened exactly. All I know is that beginning January of 2011, I have been so busy, I don't have time. I don't have time for friends, I don't have time to clean, I don't have time to think (which I really miss). Sometimes I don't have time to shower. And there is no better way to rearrange my day that will solve my lack of time dilemma. There is nothing I feel comfortable cutting out of my life. There is no way to prioritize better or use better boundaries to protect my time, and still honor myself and others the way I feel is important.
The worst part is that during this season of being flat out of time, I find myself going to bed every night, apologizing to God for not having spent more time with him. Not having spent any time with him. I've been reminded by friends and family that I think about God and think toward God all day long. Those things count. But there is a felt loss around the absence of quality time, listening time, learning time with God. I feel I am missing out on Him, but more painfully, I feel guilty. Where are the lines, here? When is it OK to accept grace and let yourself off the hook because the cat is vomiting a dirty diaper, the air conditioner broke, and you're doing the work of two people? When do I need to use better boundaries and priorities and say "Enough is enough. God comes first and I don't care if the roof falls in, I'm talking to Him right now."
The Lord is loving and merciful, slow to become angry and full of constant love. Psalms 145:8
I've come to rest in a place where I know God loves me even when I'm not doing a quiet time. At all. I don't always go to church, I don't pray every single day, I seldom read my Bible for the purpose of meeting with Him. Yet I have peace, that because of His grace, he gets it. He knows my human limitations and forgives me everyday when I ask. He meets me where I am and speaks to me in ways I can hear in the midst of the busyness. He does not let me forget my sin. Regularly, he reminds me to check my intentions. Do I really not have enough time today or am I avoiding Him? He hears my heart, and my ache to be closer to Him. I believe that's all He wants. Our hearts. Hopefully our hearts being in love with Him would lead to spiritual disciplines being lived out. When it doens't mean that, He is graceful to offer his covering over where we fall short. Whether its not enough time, energy, motivation, focus, desire, or direction that you struggle with, check your sin, respond, and remember he's no less adoring of you.
What a relief, because in this moment, I don't have time for God.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
I have a relative who in the past, used the phrase "I don't have time," until it was broken down and useless in her vocabulary. When I heard it used I imagined rolling my eyes and shouting, "Get over it!" What I was thinking was that if she managed her time differently, prioritized better, or set better boundaries, she wouldn't have that problem. I never viewed lacking time as an actual, valid dilemma. I thought it was purely the result of poor choices.
To some extent I still believe this. It is our society that is to blame, for suggesting we put so much on our plates, in order to measure up to the "norm". If Americans valued humans as much as they do output, I don't think we'd be in the time dilemma we find ourselves. Recently I've been having problems with my computer and several days I've been without a computer at work. Those days have been the most relaxed, client-focused days I've had in years. It has caused me to contemplate intentionally leaving my computer at home once a week, or some other manner of regularly releasing myself from the chains of technology. Doing so allows me time to do things I normally tell myself I don't have time to do, like updating the year stickers on my charts, and organizing my office. When I'm really taking care of myself I'll read or pray or reflect.
The realization I've had over the last 6 months, is that no matter how well one manages his or her time, there are still times when there just isn't enough time. I've tried to explain with logic and evidence, why my life suddenly got so busy and still fail to understand what happened exactly. All I know is that beginning January of 2011, I have been so busy, I don't have time. I don't have time for friends, I don't have time to clean, I don't have time to think (which I really miss). Sometimes I don't have time to shower. And there is no better way to rearrange my day that will solve my lack of time dilemma. There is nothing I feel comfortable cutting out of my life. There is no way to prioritize better or use better boundaries to protect my time, and still honor myself and others the way I feel is important.
The worst part is that during this season of being flat out of time, I find myself going to bed every night, apologizing to God for not having spent more time with him. Not having spent any time with him. I've been reminded by friends and family that I think about God and think toward God all day long. Those things count. But there is a felt loss around the absence of quality time, listening time, learning time with God. I feel I am missing out on Him, but more painfully, I feel guilty. Where are the lines, here? When is it OK to accept grace and let yourself off the hook because the cat is vomiting a dirty diaper, the air conditioner broke, and you're doing the work of two people? When do I need to use better boundaries and priorities and say "Enough is enough. God comes first and I don't care if the roof falls in, I'm talking to Him right now."
The Lord is loving and merciful, slow to become angry and full of constant love. Psalms 145:8
I've come to rest in a place where I know God loves me even when I'm not doing a quiet time. At all. I don't always go to church, I don't pray every single day, I seldom read my Bible for the purpose of meeting with Him. Yet I have peace, that because of His grace, he gets it. He knows my human limitations and forgives me everyday when I ask. He meets me where I am and speaks to me in ways I can hear in the midst of the busyness. He does not let me forget my sin. Regularly, he reminds me to check my intentions. Do I really not have enough time today or am I avoiding Him? He hears my heart, and my ache to be closer to Him. I believe that's all He wants. Our hearts. Hopefully our hearts being in love with Him would lead to spiritual disciplines being lived out. When it doens't mean that, He is graceful to offer his covering over where we fall short. Whether its not enough time, energy, motivation, focus, desire, or direction that you struggle with, check your sin, respond, and remember he's no less adoring of you.
What a relief, because in this moment, I don't have time for God.
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Finding Health Through the Holidays
We look forward to the holidays all year long. Yet, when the time comes, they are often met with some resistance, particularly in regard to facing family members. This is especially true when there is a complicating situation, such as grief, infertility, divorce, or depression. Without suggesting one can conquer the holiday season with a list of coping To Do's, here are a few ideas about coping with these particular situations.
For all Families
Make a holiday budget and stick to it. Money is a major stressor for many and one of the most common topics of conflict in marriage. The holiday season has been shaped by our "If I want it I should have it" culture and its is wise to catch yourself becoming too focused on the material aspect of Christmas. It is Christ we're celebrating!
Watch your eating habits. I believe everyone should benefit from the wide array of food choices available this time of year. But it doesn't take much to overeat or emotional eat. Challenge your motives when making food choices and allow yourself treats within healthy proportions.
Much of the problem-specific advice below can be used by all:
Grief
Its difficult to work through the loss of someone or something when not everyone around you is doing the same. However, it is not helpful to hide your feelings or force yourself to get over it. You are not expected to be cheerful and easy going. If you're sad, be sad, if you're angry, be angry, if you're happy be happy. Don't hesitate to ask for help. Even little things can feel too big to tackle when you're coping with loss. Allow others to do things for you, it relieves you and blesses them when they are able to make a difference in your life. Keep things the same or make them different. You may want to keep all your habits and traditions the same as they have always been, as a way of honoring the person you lost, or you may want to change them completely, knowing they will not be the same without that person. Take your time coping with the loss. Now is not the time to begin sorting through belongings or pushing through loss related tasks that feel overwhelming.
Infertility
The holidays and family gatherings are times that may remind you of what want but do not yet have. Hopefully being around family is a time of healing and support, unfortunately for many, it is not. When being with family is not helpful you may consider not going. This might be a good year to do Christmas differently and take a vacation to the beach. Even without leaving on a trip, it is OK to not attend the usual and expected functions. If you decide to participate, go into the event with a plan regarding what you will tell family and what you won't. There is nothing wrong with declining to answer or changing the subject. Craft a response to questions that makes you feel comfortable and be ready to let it fly. Lastly, don't feel it is rude to decline to hold babies, if it causes you to feel upset. If it is helpful, however, hoard those babies!
Divorce
Getting divorced will surely cause a person to re-evaluate his or her priorities. Rather than waiting till mid-December to decide how to handle the holidays, be proactive and re-evaluate now. This might be a good year to simplify the holiday festivities. At the very least, practice being flexible as the family learns about the reality of being divorced and how each person will manage it. Do not feel it necessary to set a precedence, out of fear that if it isn't the way you want it this year, it never will be. Divorced families are constantly changing as parents remarry, have more children, children leave home, and sometimes there are more divorces. Divorce hurts children most of all. This holiday season, talk with your kids about how your family has changed and support them in the specific ways each child needs. Create new traditions that are fun and provide the kids (and you) with a sense of control in the new circumstances.
Depression
There are some essential self-care measures that are important to keep in place if you are feeling depressed. These basic things include eating a proper portions of healthy foods (even if you don't feel hungry), maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, regular exercise, medication compliance (when meds are necessary), and keeping a daily routine. Because the winter months cause many people to feel down, you may also consider light therapy (using a full-spectrum light), vitamins, and supplements. A doctor can help you choose vitamins and supplements that are best for you. The Christmas season provides many opportunities to help others. When possible, make an effort to contribute to charity organizations or events, surprise someone with a gift, offer favors, or other things you would enjoy. Getting the focus off yourself and making someone's day brighter can do wonders for our mood. Limit alcohol use. It may be tempting to use alcohol to deaden anxiety or depression, but since alcohol is a depressant, it is more harmful than helpful. Lastly, check your expectations and make sure they are realistic.
Most of all, remember the reason for the season. It is Christ's sacrifice for our lives, that is cause for this fun time of year. Focus on relationships with God and with others. You will likely find it makes the holidays more enjoyable and more fulfilling.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
For all Families
Make a holiday budget and stick to it. Money is a major stressor for many and one of the most common topics of conflict in marriage. The holiday season has been shaped by our "If I want it I should have it" culture and its is wise to catch yourself becoming too focused on the material aspect of Christmas. It is Christ we're celebrating!
Watch your eating habits. I believe everyone should benefit from the wide array of food choices available this time of year. But it doesn't take much to overeat or emotional eat. Challenge your motives when making food choices and allow yourself treats within healthy proportions.
Much of the problem-specific advice below can be used by all:
Grief
Its difficult to work through the loss of someone or something when not everyone around you is doing the same. However, it is not helpful to hide your feelings or force yourself to get over it. You are not expected to be cheerful and easy going. If you're sad, be sad, if you're angry, be angry, if you're happy be happy. Don't hesitate to ask for help. Even little things can feel too big to tackle when you're coping with loss. Allow others to do things for you, it relieves you and blesses them when they are able to make a difference in your life. Keep things the same or make them different. You may want to keep all your habits and traditions the same as they have always been, as a way of honoring the person you lost, or you may want to change them completely, knowing they will not be the same without that person. Take your time coping with the loss. Now is not the time to begin sorting through belongings or pushing through loss related tasks that feel overwhelming.
Infertility
The holidays and family gatherings are times that may remind you of what want but do not yet have. Hopefully being around family is a time of healing and support, unfortunately for many, it is not. When being with family is not helpful you may consider not going. This might be a good year to do Christmas differently and take a vacation to the beach. Even without leaving on a trip, it is OK to not attend the usual and expected functions. If you decide to participate, go into the event with a plan regarding what you will tell family and what you won't. There is nothing wrong with declining to answer or changing the subject. Craft a response to questions that makes you feel comfortable and be ready to let it fly. Lastly, don't feel it is rude to decline to hold babies, if it causes you to feel upset. If it is helpful, however, hoard those babies!
Divorce
Getting divorced will surely cause a person to re-evaluate his or her priorities. Rather than waiting till mid-December to decide how to handle the holidays, be proactive and re-evaluate now. This might be a good year to simplify the holiday festivities. At the very least, practice being flexible as the family learns about the reality of being divorced and how each person will manage it. Do not feel it necessary to set a precedence, out of fear that if it isn't the way you want it this year, it never will be. Divorced families are constantly changing as parents remarry, have more children, children leave home, and sometimes there are more divorces. Divorce hurts children most of all. This holiday season, talk with your kids about how your family has changed and support them in the specific ways each child needs. Create new traditions that are fun and provide the kids (and you) with a sense of control in the new circumstances.
Depression
There are some essential self-care measures that are important to keep in place if you are feeling depressed. These basic things include eating a proper portions of healthy foods (even if you don't feel hungry), maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, regular exercise, medication compliance (when meds are necessary), and keeping a daily routine. Because the winter months cause many people to feel down, you may also consider light therapy (using a full-spectrum light), vitamins, and supplements. A doctor can help you choose vitamins and supplements that are best for you. The Christmas season provides many opportunities to help others. When possible, make an effort to contribute to charity organizations or events, surprise someone with a gift, offer favors, or other things you would enjoy. Getting the focus off yourself and making someone's day brighter can do wonders for our mood. Limit alcohol use. It may be tempting to use alcohol to deaden anxiety or depression, but since alcohol is a depressant, it is more harmful than helpful. Lastly, check your expectations and make sure they are realistic.
Most of all, remember the reason for the season. It is Christ's sacrifice for our lives, that is cause for this fun time of year. Focus on relationships with God and with others. You will likely find it makes the holidays more enjoyable and more fulfilling.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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